For those in our community who are faith-based, former small group leader Matt Brown shares part of his journey to freedom from porn.
His practical tips for hope and real change on the porn recovery journey flow from his personal faith and experience.
Table of Contents
My story isn’t unique. In fact, it’s painfully common.
I was first exposed to pornography in middle school by a friend. At that age, I didn’t fully grasp the power of what I was encountering, but I felt the pull.
For context, my family moved from California to Colorado. A new school, no friends, and the deep ache of loneliness made me desperate to belong. So when I finally found a friend who accepted me, I let my guard down, in hopes of having a true friend. I ignored warning signs just to feel connected.
That season of my life planted deep wounds, ones that still surface. But today, I don’t face them alone.
Love Rejoices In The Truth
I grew up in church and had a supportive, loving family. But for a long time, I hid the real me behind half-truths and approval-seeking masks.
I wasn’t the biggest, strongest, or most popular guy, so I played the chameleon—shifting to fit in, even when it meant compromising my morals.
That kind of life wears on you. It builds a house of cards that eventually collapses.
In 2011, my dad introduced me to a ministry called Marked Men For Christ. That’s where I discovered something life-changing: the power of speaking the truth in love.
Not sugar-coating it.
Not sharing to impress others.
Just telling the truth—because truth leads to healing.
The Bible tells us:
- “Love rejoices with the truth.” – 1 Corinthians 13:6
- “The truth will set you free.” – John 8:32
- “He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” – John 8:36
When I started confessing my sins out loud, I noticed something incredible.
I wasn’t just telling someone else—I was finally hearing the reality of my struggles with my own ears.
And the enemy lost his grip.
Truth is light. And when you allow light to shine on the darkness, it no longer owns you.
God Made Us For Community
“Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. For the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” – James 5:16
Healing happens in community.
We were never meant to fight alone. Think back to Genesis. Adam had God, yet God still said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Even in paradise, God created Eve to reflect the beauty of relationship.
The same is true for us. Community matters. Brotherhood matters. You don’t need to battle pornography (or any addiction) on your own.
If you’re stuck in isolation, afraid of judgment, scared to lose a relationship, I get it. I’ve been there.
But let me ask you: If you tell the truth and lose that relationship, was it ever a safe place to begin with?
The Enemy Prowls In Isolation
1 Peter 5:8 reminds us: “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
Lions target the weak, the sick, and the isolated. Sound familiar? He attacked me when I was young and didn’t know how to stand up for myself.
You are most vulnerable when you’re alone—when no one knows the real battle inside you. But take heart, verse 9 goes on: “Your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.”
You are not alone in your struggle. Not even close.
Step one: Find your people.
Step two: Tell the truth.
Step three: Let the healing begin.
Same-Gender Accountability Is A Game-Changer
For me, healthy accountability has come through trusted groups of men. I found true accountability through various groups like Marked Men For Christ, the Conquer Series, and my Pure Desire group.
For others, I’ve heard that Celebrate Recovery or even Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) has been a safe space. I found strength when I was known and supported by other men walking the same road.
Same-gender friendship is crucial when it comes to sexual integrity. Even if you’re single, this honors your future spouse.
Not planning to marry? Vulnerability builds intimacy—and intimacy is attractional. Don’t trade one struggle (pornography) for another (an inappropriate relationship).
Accountability isn’t a punishment. It’s a guardrail.
Setting Up Guardrails For The Road Ahead
Let’s talk about guardrails—because you need them.
Think about it: no one drives up a mountain road with a sheer cliff on one side and says, “You know what would make this better? No guardrails.” That’s insanity.
Guardrails are there for a reason. They won’t guarantee safety if you’re determined to crash head-on, but they can redirect you before you go over the edge.
Proverbs 25:28 says, “A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.”
If you don’t set boundaries, you’re leaving yourself open to attack.
Here are some guardrails I live by:
- Clean House – Get rid of all sexually suggestive content. Video games, magazines, movies—even PG-13 content. If it causes temptation, it’s not worth keeping right now.
- Check Ratings With A Partner – My wife and I use IMDb’s Parent’s Guide before we watch anything. She helps screen what we bring into our minds.
- Limit Social Media – I’ve cut out all social media except LinkedIn and YouTube. Even with YouTube, there’s a purpose—if I’m fixing a dryer, I’m in and out. No endless scrolling.
- Avoid Clickbait – I don’t click on questionable articles or thumbnails. I’ve trained my algorithms to feed me sports, and that’s fine by me.
- Use Accountability Software – Sign up for a 14-day free trial of Ever Accountable. Start with it as a necessity and let it become a safeguard for the future. You have nothing to hide.
This isn’t legalism. It’s wisdom.
If you’re not willing to set up guardrails, ask yourself: Am I really committed to healing?
Investing In Your Purity – Learning & Living an Accountability Lifestyle
A few years ago, I asked myself a hard question: What is purity worth to me?
- Is it worth my time?
- My energy?
- My money?
Absolutely!
Addiction over-promises and under-delivers.
It’s like a spiral staircase that leads downward into darker and more dangerous places.
But the moment you decide to turn around—even if it’s hard—you begin to rise.
Practice The Law Of Replacement
Ephesians 4:28 gives us a blueprint: “Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.”
God doesn’t just say “stop sinning.” He says, “replace it with something good.”
So when I gave up pornography, I didn’t just sit idle. I replaced that time with:
- Journaling
- Worship music
- Bible reading
- Prayer walks
- Leading other men
It wasn’t just healing me. It was helping heal others too.
What Real Accountability Looks Like
Here’s how I’ve built lasting accountability:
- A 24-Hour Rule With My Wife – If I stumble or even come close, I confess within 24 hours. No secrets.
- An Accountability Partner – Weekly check-ins with honest, heart-level questions.
- A Men’s Group – We started with the Conquer Series, meeting every Monday night, doing homework, journaling, and pursuing purity together.
Accountability isn’t just about avoiding relapse. It’s about celebrating wins, recognizing growth, and building real intimacy through vulnerability.
A friend once told me: “Accountability is just an accounting of your abilities.”
You are able to change. You are capable. You are loved. You are worth it.
Mastering Purity Takes Time
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. I’d argue I became a master of my addiction—hiding, escaping, numbing.
Now I want to master purity.
Let’s do the math: That’s 2 hours and 45 minutes every day for the next 10 years.
You already spend that time watching TV, gaming, or scrolling. Why not invest it in becoming who you were created to be?
One Final Tool: Awareness Grid
Try this simple exercise from my counselor:
1. Take a piece of paper
2. Draw a vertical line down the middle and a horizontal line across to make a grid
3. Label one side “Using” and the other “Sobriety”
4. List all the Pros of each in the top halves
5. List all the Cons of each in the bottom halves
Be honest. Why do you use? Why don’t you pursue sobriety? Then look at the grid.
Awareness precedes change.
Final Words Of Hope
Renewal is possible. Even your subconscious can heal.
I used to feel helpless against sexual temptation in my dreams, but over time, as I filled my mind with truth, even my dreams began to shift.
Does the enemy still attack? Sure. But I’m giving him less to work with.
Guilt says, “You did something bad.”
Shame says, “You are something bad.”
Shame is a lie. And truth is your weapon.
In ancient Rome, shields were designed to interlock.
Soldiers fought side-by-side to protect one another. In Greece, men often fought next to their families.
Your faith shield isn’t just for you—it’s meant to connect with others.
So today, choose to be fully known and fully loved. Surround yourself with people who reflect the love of God.
You don’t have to battle alone. And you can—with God and with community—walk in freedom.
About The Author
Matt Brown is a former small group director and current Software Evangelist for TouchPoint Software, a church management platform.
He’s married with two beautiful daughters and finds joy in board games, ultimate frisbee, and helping people experience freedom through truth and accountability.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out to Matt on LinkedIn or at matthew.brown@touchpointsoftware.com.
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